Women who let themselves go…
The worst thing that can happen to a woman is that she has “let herself go”. The worst thing that can happen to a man is that he becomes “vain” – funny the double standards? I’ve just been out for a jog/walk – 20 minutes of thumping reminder of how unfit I have become. I used to do three or four spinning classes a week and I thoroughly enjoyed it but the gym I was a member of has a nasty habit of losing instructors and as soon as you get settled into working with one – off they go to another gym. My membership fees are due and I’m ambivalent about rejoining. My ideal gym has great spinning instructors and a pool (20 metres please) and relatively easy to get to with Dublin traffic…it seems to be a tall order. A friend of mine gave me a voucher for a free month’s membership of Curves so I’m going to try that from tomorrow for 4 weeks and see how it goes. In the meantime, my small steps for the last few days have been upping my water intake – I’m at 1.5 litres and plan to get that to 2 litres from today. I know it takes a while for your body to recognise the new fluid intake as “normal” so I reckon I’ve a week before I have to stop scoping out a room for the toilets before I sit down! I’m running every 10 minutes at the moment lol!
It’s fear. I’ve worked that bit out. Fear of succeeding, fear of failing, fear of who is actually “in” here hiding beneath the negativity and hoplessness. It’s a parental voice I recognise and I need to “kill” that voice this year if I am to really have a chance of listening to my own voice which I’m hoping to nurture as one of optimisim and possibility. For now I will write out the negativity and when I feel the need to cry I will do that..I will recognise how I reach for unhealthy options to reinforce that voice that can then say “I told you so”…
Happy New Year.
Is everything ok? Haven’t heard from you in a while…
Who knew there was traffic in Dublin? *cheeze* I’m just in a silly mood today.